Abby Turns 2!

Today is Abby’s birthday.  Sitting here, thinking, its hard to let it sink in and realize that what has felt like such a very short amount of time, has in reality already been a couple of years.
I still remember her being tiny, cuddling up to my neck to sleep, and always fighting to be swaddled in her blanket.  How being able to simply raise her head was a big event, and how I used to go check on her, and have to look at her chest rise and fall because she was so small and quiet as she slept.  I still can feel the combination of anticipation, anxiety, and worry as she came 3 weeks early.  I can still feel the fear in my chest as my four month old laid in a crib, in a hospital room for a week, doctors never being entire sure what was wrong, and the subsequent worry in the back of my mind the next few times she got sick and ran a high fever.  I still can tear up, if she gives off this one type of cry, where you know she’s in pain, or not sure what’s going on as I have to help hold her still to get a shot.  Where Canaan, through all the adversity I have to go through and have gone through, is my strength, Abby is my heart.
It amazes me, how this little girl; who sometimes has such a short attention span because she wants to bounce from one thing to another, can sense and know, when I need a hug or a kiss from her the most.  When I need to see her smile to get me out of a funk.  Its like she can see through me, and know, no matter what.  (And yes, I’m sure in ways this will bite me in the butt in 14-16 years, but damnit I’m going to enjoy it for now)  No matter what, even if I’m not in the mood to smile, she knows she can shoot me this one type of cheesy grin, and there’s nothing I can do about it.  (On a side note, it amazes me she’s already figured out to use this to try and get out of stuff too.)  Even something as simple as the way she says certain words, gets me to grin and my heart to swell.
There is no question, in my mind, that she makes me a better person, a better man, and even makes me strive for more.  Where it used to somewhat upset me, all the things I got to experience with her I didn’t with  Canaan, she’s helped me realize, how important it is to make the best out of what time I do get with him.  Her love and admiration for her big brother takes my breath at times, but has also helped to heal some of the scars I’d built up.  She has healed my heart in many ways that no one will ever realize.
There isn’t a day that goes by that my baby girl doesn’t amaze me in one way or another.  Not a day that she doesn’t give me something to smile about or at.  There’s not a moment that goes by that she doesn’t make me proud to be her Daddy and thankful that she’s my Bug.  I love her with everything that is in me.  She is my heart and my inspiration.  She has been the center of many of the greatest moments of my adult life, and today, she’s 2.